You're my little dorito
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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