R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mom said you looked used
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
