She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
