He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
