I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
