I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
