you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
