She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
