He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
