When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
