So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
