You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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