and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't make out with my wife yet
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
