dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
