dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
