Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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