She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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