I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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