the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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