Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
