I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
