physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize