I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
