when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
