he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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