if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
