dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
