I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
