This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
