I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
