Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
