it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
