'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
