Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
