my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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