I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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