oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
