I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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