Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
