so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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