Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
