I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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