I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
