dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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