when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are we still banned from the library?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
