Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
