i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
