he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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