Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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