Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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