so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
