people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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