Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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